She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
