Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
There r osticjed everywhere
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
