i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
