im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Randomize