your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
