Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
