fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
