I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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