Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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