Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
