I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I'm like, not good at living.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
