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she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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