I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
