even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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