i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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