If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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