Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
