well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
