i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
My dick has a subreddit
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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