Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm like, not good at living.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
