I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize