We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
