Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
