i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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