you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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