They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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