I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
