What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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