The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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