u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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