We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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