I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
