No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
