Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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