i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize