If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
