is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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