at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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