We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize