singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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