Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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