All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
