he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
