maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
