Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
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