Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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