Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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