Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
