ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
