Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
