bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
