ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
