I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
