she smelled like a LAN party
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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