Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I don't deserve a penis
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
