At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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