It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I need a burrito and a hug.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
