Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
