So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
