I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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