I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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