I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
