Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
