Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
