when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
