I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
