she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
